This article was originally published on DailyBee
Some people would say that bumper stickers, like any form of self-expression, are somewhat of an art form. Folks might use these pithy, philosophical labels to support things, like a cause or candidate. Sometimes they even want to promote a band, but the best ones are there only to promote a good laugh! Here are some of the funniest and most absurd ones to date. Better check them out here than on the dangerous highway!
Always Come Prepared
Every year, millions of babies are conceived accidentally. That's how mother nature designed things to happen, whether we like it or not. Hopefully, most of them are loved as a happy accident. But if you give extra attention to your prep, you might be able to avoid this outcome. Here, we see a bumper sticker explaining just how this driver does that in his life. He uses one trusted brand, and he has no baby on board, as a result.
We're glad things are working out for this driver, but we wonder why they found it so important to let us all know!
An Uncommon Strategy
You know what they say about guys with flashy sports cars. They only buy them to impress the ladies, but there is a reason they need to show off so big. That reason might be a lack somewhere else, and we all have a laugh about the matter. But here, there is a sticker claiming the opposite, and we are puzzled. It's an old car, nothing too special. What's the message?
It's a twist on the original idea. But here, the driver is just compensating for having way too much, elsewhere. It's an interesting tradeoff, to be sure.
That's Terrifying TMI
Serial killers are out there, ladies and gentlemen. Whether we like it or not, they do their thing on their terms. In the best-case scenario, we catch them early. But sadly, a lot of these monsters go unnoticed for decades. Looking at the bumper sticker on this car, we have to wonder if this murderer has a secret wish to get caught. He's admitting he has a body in the trunk, right now!
Or is he? Turns out, this car was a hearse seen in town. We think the meaning of the message is different, knowing that. But it was pretty scary before we noticed!
Those Are Fighting Words
Jeeps have been the choice of sporty drivers for decades. It was only recently that a competitor came driving by, and people took notice. The Hummer is a giant SUV, quite outside the mainstream. It is pretty expensive, and some use it as a status symbol. This driver doesn't care what you think, though. They like their jeep, as is. If they wanted a Hummer, they say, they would call your sister!
At first, we thought this was just a car reference. But if we think about it, the message might be a cruder insult. Leave our siblings alone, you Jeep creep!
Bless Your Heart
We all know someone who is rude or downright obnoxious. No one likes them, and they often don't even care. In cases such as these, a special phrase is needed. This bumper sticker aims to explain the problem to the worst in our society, but in gentle terms. It assures the reader that Jesus loves them, just like everyone else on earth. But the residents of the planet don't feel the same way. Not at all!
As the sticker explains, everyone else has a strong opinion on the matter, and these people aren't being shy about it!
Good Morning to You Too, Sir
On the road, we meet all kinds of personalities in conflict. There are the cautious drivers who give you the right of way, even if it's their turn. There are road ragers, who are willing to start a fight over the tiniest slight. And then, there is this driver. This sticker sounds like a threat we wouldn't want to test, same as other drivers who ran into this car, probably.
This deranged individual wants to use your mouth as a toilet. It's nasty, and we don't think that's a way to settle disputes. What a nut!
That's a Little Harsh
There are certain people we know who don't fit in a box. They dare to be different, and they don't mind being outsiders. Some of these types are artists. If you have a vision no one else can understand, you could just be ahead of your time. But here, a driver makes a good point. Just because no one understands you doesn't mean you are an artist. It really doesn't!
It's possible you're just a weirdo, refusing to conform to the norm. It might be your freedom to do that — but rest assured, this driver is going to tell you the truth.
We Sure Hope Not
Sick leave in America is a tricky subject. Every company seems to have different policies, and that may or may not be in your favor. Around 1 in 10 full-time employees don't get any sick days at all, as it turns out. Among the lucky, 1 in 4 get one to five days off approved by their boss for health reasons. It all sounds crazy when you put it in numbers!
Here, a bumper sticker explains that the worker driving this car already used up their supply of sick days. What was their solution? Just call in dead!
What a Vision
Chickens have little choice in their lives as they sit in cages laying their eggs. In some rare instances, they roam free and cross the road. But even then, we've made them into a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the other side, of course. Why do we laugh at these birds, though? If only we lived in a kinder world, their motives wouldn't be ridiculed, questioned, and mocked.
There are free thinkers, though. This bumper sticker dreams of a reality with mutual respect. One day, human and bird will both cross the street without judgment. Is that so much to ask?
Dino Disability
Sure, the T-Rex has laughable little arms. But there was nothing to laugh at when it came to this prehistoric monster. According to National Geographic: "Tyrannosaurus rex was one of the most ferocious predators to ever walk the Earth. With a massive body, sharp teeth, and jaws so powerful they could crush a car, this famous carnivore dominated the forested river valleys in western North America during the Late Cretaceous period, 68 million years ago."
We know we would have gotten chomped, no questions asked. But we do have one advantage. We can clap to our favorite music! Sorry, T-Rex!
Baby I Was Born This Way
When you see a driver swerving on the road, it's easy to judge them as wildmen. But what if we told you they were just gay, all along? That might sound like a strange conclusion. But this fellow put up a bumper sticker to explain his situation, and we think it clarifies a lot. Turns out, he is so gay that it is impossible to drive straight. See how that works?
Next time you see a car weaving in the lane next to you, be comforted. They are not putting your life in danger on purpose. They just can't help it!
Child-Free as Can Be
Pope Francis recently found himself in the news. Why? Well, he said that not having kids was a selfish act. He condemned the child-free lifestyle, saying: “It might be better, more comfortable, to have a dog, two cats, and the love goes to the two cats and the dog. Is this true or is this not? Have you seen it? Then, in the end, this marriage comes to old age in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness.”
Many modern folks are choosing this path, though. Here, we see a bumper sticker, refuting the pope's points. Instead of the usual family illustration, there is a man, a woman, and a stash of cash. No pets, though!
Life Is All About Choices
The truth is, not everyone stays together forever. The rate of divorce in America is a lot higher than it once was, now hovering around 50% for first-time marriages. It's certainly a glass half full, half-empty situation. Yes, half the couples fail, but half succeeded. This bumper sticker isn't looking on the bright side, though. While marriage is grand, divorce is 100 grand. That is the cold, hard truth, sometimes!
We still think most people will take their chances on love when it feels right, and not everyone has such a nasty divorce. But sometimes, splitting can be costlier than the wedding. Yikes!
We Remember This Guy
Anyone who lived through the '90s probably calls it a prosperous time. There were more than enough jobs to go around, and all the official stats looked pretty good. The man at the top of the management chain was President Bill Clinton, and he often gets the credit. But when personal scandals hit, supporters were divided. Should they condemn the man who was bringing them employment? For many, that was a tough call.
Here, we see a silly bumper sticker expressing just that dilemma. The phrase is a little crude, sure. But its wordplay is top-notch, and we always enjoy that on the road.
She Put a Spell on You
On Sundays, millions of Americans attend church services. Whether they are Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, or Roman Catholic, they have a meeting with the big man on that day, each and every week. But there is also a large cohort of citizens who hang out and watch TV in their underwear. They're not going anywhere, for anything. This bumper sticker makes an even wilder claim. Why was this lady not in church this time?
Well, apparently she was busy being a lesbian and a witch. She had spells to cast and gals to seduce! Hocus Pocus leaves no time for church, in our estimation.
That's a Smart Question
Money makes people do wild things, and not all of it is moral. Most of us stop where it gets unethical, but some people do whatever it takes. Even in the church! More than one televangelist has been caught scamming the parishioners. Maybe greed can tempt anyone. According to Jesus himself: "It is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."
We don't know exactly what he meant, but this bumper sticker poses another intriguing question. If money is the root of all evil, why do churches always beg for it?
We Are Concerned
These days, moms have all kinds of jobs. We see part-time and full-time in every field. Some might even say that two incomes are necessary to make ends meet in today's pricy world. But even if that is true, this bumper sticker disturbs us. Not only does this driver claim to be an escort and a mom, but she is proud of those facts. Are you as surprised as us?
But there's more to the story: Maybe you read the line below, which explains that the kids go to Hooker High School. That information makes all the difference!
Slay or Stay Away
Long ago, we know there were dinosaurs roaming the earth. We're happy we were not around in their prime. Bloodthirsty, evil, and toothy, we know we would have been easy food. But in more recent times, knights had to battle with fire-breathing dragons. Close cousins., these reptiles also caused plenty of trouble in the middle ages. Here, a bumper sticker wisely warns us to stay out of their business, lest we be a snack.
Apparently, humans go good with ketchup. They are also crunchy. We don't know much about it, and we don't want to find out. We will not meddle in dragon affairs!
We Totally Agree
About 15% of America has learning disabilities. 5-10% have some form of dyslexia, a condition where you have problems in expressing or receiving language. Reading, writing, spelling, speaking, and listening can be affected. You never outgrow the diagnosis, either. You just have to learn to work with it. Oddly, you could have a very gifted mind, in many other ways. Just one area seems to get clogged up, and that's tough.
Here, we see an example of how they might see words on the page. The sticker tries to explain that dyslexics are people, too. But as we can see, the words are all jumbled. This example is a little silly!
If Doggo Ruled the World
Dogs come in all shapes and sizes, at this point. In the beginning, they were wolves — now, some are weiner dogs! We love the diversity going on in this species. One of the breeds that fascinate us most is the greyhound, the fastest dog on the planet. According to the American Kennel Club: "The Greyhound is a gentle, noble, and sweet-tempered companion with an independent spirit. For thousands of years, these graceful hounds have been an object of fascination for artists, poets, and kings."
But according to this bumper sticker, there is more going on than meets the eye. Apparently, the greyhound doesn't just look regal. It has plans to rule us, as well!
Go Look Right Meow
Cats have nine lives, but they often test the limits of their luck. We see them sneaking into all kinds of spaces where they don't belong, and that has its occasional hazards. In the winter, many felines hide in between car tires to get warm. That's not a good place to be when the wheels start to roll. But here, we see a driver is claiming something different. What did he do, and why?
If you're missing your cat right now, you may need to check under this man's tires. There is a chance he ran over your poet intentionally. We're surprised he is so open about it!
Literacy Is Way Basic
This bumper sticker makes fun of the driver who got too close. If you can read this, you can read, and that's not very impressive, Surely, everyone else can read, too. But is that really true? According to the Barabra Bush Foundation: "More than half (54%) of American adults read below a sixth-grade level. About 43 million Americans — nearly one in five adults — read below a third-grade level, and only 10% of all adults in need of literacy support are currently receiving services."
That's pretty startling when put in real numbers. We are surprised to know that so many Americans are having trouble out there. Maybe something should be done, beyond a sticker!
Don't Put This off
Procrastinate much? You're not alone. According to WebMD: "For about one in five adults, procrastination is a real, long-lasting problem...When you avoid doing what seems less than pleasant, you get a little mood boost. But this bump doesn't last. The avoided thing still hangs over you, causing guilt and stress. The real reasons we procrastinate lie deep within human behavior. We tend to view things in the future as less real or concrete."
We totally agree with that analysis. The future does seem less real to us until the consequences hit. This bumper sticker admits the problem, in a silly way. But no, don't procrastinate now!
Baby Daddy Drama
We've all seen the classic stickers of families on back windows. The images are customized based on the members of the family. This version is a little bit different, we see right away. There are many types of blended families out there, but this is not the kind you usually celebrate. On the left, we see mom and four kids. On the right, we 'baby daddy' and his other lover!
We don't know if this is a bitter joke or a very enlightened bunch. But we do know that we would be laughing the whole ride long. This is scandalous!
What a Prude
Some people are touchy-feely, and others just do whatever they want. We think that this often goes unchallenged, and no one speaks up. It's time to change that, and it all starts with a sticker. We think that boundaries should be respected, in real life and on the road. Here, we see a bumper expressing the same sentiment. Don't touch me, the car says. This is not 'that kind of car'.
We don't know exactly what 'that kind of car' means. But it seems there have been impolite assumptions about it in the past. We will keep our distance, don't worry!
Confused Kitty
Some of us are cats, and some of us are computer users. A select few are cats who use computers. We don't know any, but this bumper sticker shows what happens when felines try to use human devices. The animal doesn't understand how it got here on a bumper sticker, and we have similar questions. Will it ever be free? As of now, it's frozen in this printed state, and it looks confused.
As a good practice, we suggest keeping electronics far away from your curious cat. You never know what they might do, with those little paws. They might somehow design a bumper sticker and get trapped inside. Don't let that happen!
Words of Wisdom
Just what is the truth, out there? Philosophers all had their methods to sort out the madness. But even among the Greeks, there was plenty of disagreement. There are some people who draw conclusions slowly, after years of pondering an issue. Others are more impulsive and decide things based on instinct. Here, a bumper sticker warns you to be cautious in your assessments. Don't beeline everything you think, it explains.
We think there's some value to this statement. How often has our gut instinct been dead wrong? Occasionally, but sometimes, it tells us the truth. This is a tricky sticker, we must say!
We Do All the Time
Surveys have shown year after year, even in good times, most Americans don't have an extra 500 bucks laying around for an emergency. That's a startling figure when it's laid out like that. We don't know exactly where all their money is going, but we suspect it's divided between rent, food, gas, and loans. And credit cards, of course! We can never forget those, which are given out like candy.
This bumper sticker explains that the driver is out of funds. They are not having an out-of-body experience yet. Right now, they are just having an out-of-money experience. We get that!
Deep and Stinky Thoughts
Allegedly, cows have been letting out so much gas that the earth is warming. Not everyone believes it, but the theory is out there. We see there is another concern, here on this bumper sticker. It asks: What if the entire world farted at the same time? We don't want to imagine what would happen to the chemistry in the atmosphere. But even worse than that, think about the stench!
With more than 7.7. billion human butts on the planet right now, it would be a catastrophic event. We are not sure if everyone would even survive. We might not!
That's Totally Mental
Mental health is a real topic these days, in society. We used to lock people away in asylums and throw away the key. We used to do cruel experiments on them to try to find solutions. Today, they certainly have more legal rights. But the truth is, there are a lot of sufferers who aren't getting the help they need. And some of them are on the road with you!
Here, we can read a bumper sticker admitting the person in front of us is insane. They also say they are enjoying every minute of it. Is it a problem if they enjoy it?
He's Got His Views
There are many religions in the world today among human beings. Truthfully, there used to be thousands, but only the best ones survived the test of time. In the modern era, there are millions who refuse all the options: They do not believe in a higher power or any organized spirituality. Bumpers seem to be a popular place to express this sentiment. It's easy to spread, as you drive around!
Here, we see that a clever designer changed the popular 'coexist' label to another phrase. The new word is simply 'fiction', which is a different idea. They're not even pretending to respect it all!
Satan Says Hell No
As we all know, the devil hangs out in the fiery halls of hell. Legend has it that he tortures the souls of those who have sinned here on earth. It's hard to say how, for sure. But we know he is busy at all hours of the day and night, for eternity. Here, a bumper sticker claims that the driver works there, too. And they don't want to see you there!
If it's hard enough to share the road with you, you can go to heaven. Satan's helper is willing to let this one go, as long as you give him the right of way.
Sounds Like a Threat
One of the major modern causes of death is just driving in your car, believe it or not. According to Association for Safe International Road Travel: "More than 38,000 people die every year in crashes on U.S. roadways. The U.S. traffic fatality rate is 12.4 deaths per 100,000 inhabitants. An additional 4.4 million are injured seriously enough to require medical attention. Road crashes are the leading cause of death in the U.S. for people aged 1-54."
If you're crazy enough to add on texting to your driving, be ready to meet your maker. This bumper sticker warns you about the risk. Don't say you didn't know!
When You Just Can't Care Anymore
Are you a senior citizen? Do you collect social security and get early bird deals for lunch? If not, you may not relate to this car sticker. But rest assured millions of adults have this attitude. At a certain point in life, you just don't give a darn anymore. This older driver decided to advertise their attitude, right on the window of their vehicle. You were warned, so stay away!
How does this manifest on the road? Well, maybe they are tired of their turn signals. Perhaps they no longer give other cars the right of way. Hopefully, though, it's just a joke!
This Is Medically True
It was a long battle, but disability advocates finally succeeded. There is special parking, for those who have a need, and you're don't allowed to use it just for fun. Those blue spaces you see with a wheelchair symbol are for those most in need, and they are close to convenience for a reason. The Americans with Disabilities Act mandates: "Accessible parking spaces must be located on the shortest accessible route of travel to an accessible facility entrance."
If you're just stupid, though, that doesn't qualify. This bumper sticker lets you know what we think in no uncertain terms. Don't even try to use that as an excuse, buddy!
There Must Be
We all hate dealing with the other cars on the road. Traffic really puts a damper on our cruise, and we are often late when we don't intend to be. The stress is compounded by the crazy behavior of some around us, who just seem to drive by their own rules. We don't think that will change. But one frustrated vehicle owner slapped this message on his back window. Did he go too far?
There must be a quiet place where you can go and leave him alone. That's his theory, but it's unlikely to happen. Like it or not, we all own the roads!
Don't Tickle Me Bro
In recent years, scandals have come out about ministers, clergy, and rabbis. It seems like there are just way too many weirdos going into that profession, and we only catch them after the damage. In the case of the Catholic Church, there is a special rule for their priests. No one is allowed to be with a woman or man. Abstinence is the order of the day. Howe is that working out?
According to this bumper sticker, not so well. It seems that the lack of touch is leading to way too much touch, if you know what we mean. It's one theory, anyway!
We Know You Mean "Us"
Some people have a more aggressive approach to driving. It's better to speed if it means you're keeping up with the traffic around you. Others are sticklers for the law itself, and never go a mile over the limit. We will probably never all agree, But here, we see a driver has a significant disagreement with the person behind him. His bumper warns you to watch out for the idiot behind him, but that idiot is you.
How did he know ahead of time? If he has a message on his car, it got there with planning, Sir, maybe the problem is you. You have a problem with everyone!
Sounds Tangy
For modern folks, it's rare to see much of the animal kingdom. In cities and suburbs, we usually see dogs and cats, and a few animals like pigeons and rats. There is also the matter of squirrels. They seem to be everywhere in the park, stealing nuts and scampering around. No one would guess they are endangered. But this driver seems to think there is reason to worry. What's his remedy?
To preserve wildlife, he says you should pickle a squirrel. We don't really think that sounds good for the animal. But maybe in a literal sense, he's quite right. Get the vinegar!
That's Just Rude
It may not the coolest brand out there, but Saturn has its market of loyal customers. Some like the price point, and some prefer the design. Here, we see a driver who seems to like the chance to use this bumper sticker better than anyone else. They explain that their other ride is not a Saturn, but 'Uranus'. Read between the lines, and you will get the joke. It's lewd!
The phrase wouldn't be quite as funny under any other logo. Does Saturn know its brand is being used this way? The universe is vast. Maybe they missed it until now!